Why it's so easy to miss.
Cats and dogs are stoic by nature. Their pain is often missed simply because they can't open their mouths and tell you what's wrong. In cats the signs tend to be more subtle than in dogs. Because cats are less active and don't go out for walks, a limp can go unnoticed. In a multi-cat home, or with free-fed cats, it's easy to miss that one cat hasn't been eating until they've lost real weight. More often than not, a change in behavior is the first thing a family sees.
What gets read as "personality," but isn't.
Many of the signs get read as personality, or stubbornness, or just getting old. Here is what they can actually mean.
In cats
- Hiding in closets or under the bed, when they used to be social. Often a sign they don't feel well.
- Not using the litterbox. Often arthritis, and the physical difficulty of climbing in and out comfortably.
- Eating less, unnoticed. Easy to miss with free-feeding or multiple cats, until there's real weight loss.
In dogs
- Refusing to walk, or stopping partway through. Often pain or discomfort.
- Nipping when picked up or petted. Often a sign of pain.
- Accidents in the house from a house-trained dog. Usually an underlying issue: trouble getting up, cognitive decline, or more.
The thing families say right after the sedation.
The comment I hear most often, right after I give the sedation, is some version of: "This is the most relaxed I've seen her in weeks." It's often not until that moment that a family realizes how distressed their pet had been, with the constant pacing and panting.
That pacing and panting is a sign of discomfort. Frequently it's the only way a pet has to tell their family that something isn't right.
"This is the most relaxed I've seen her in weeks."
What families say after the sedation, once the pacing finally stops.The quiet changes in a day.
The signs are often quiet, woven into the daily routine. A few places they tend to show up:
Sleeping
Never really settling. Up and down all night trying to get comfortable. Pacing and panting after dark.
Eating
Turning down regular food, only wanting treats, or not even treats. Though some pets never stop eating, even with advanced disease.
Greeting you
Not getting up to say hello, or getting up and going quickly back to bed, as if it took real effort.
If you're not sure what you're seeing.
If you're not sure whether what you're seeing is suffering, a few questions help. When did your pet last see a vet, and what was found? What has changed over time, and how quickly? The IAAHPC's quality-of-life resources can help turn something subjective into something a little clearer. And if you're still unsure, a Comfort Care Assessment, an in-person exam and an honest conversation, is a good next step.
The single best thing any family can do is keep a routine relationship with a primary vet, so things get caught early, before a disease process gets far along.
If you feel you should have seen it sooner.
Please hear this: hindsight is 20-20. You're not allowed to go back and judge yourself for what you didn't know at the time. We all do the best we can with the knowledge we have. The important thing is that you're here now, looking and asking. That is exactly what someone who loves their pet does. If it would help to talk it through, here is how to think about whether it's time.