Should my child be there?
There is no single right answer, and being open and honest is always where I start. Every child is different, and every family is different. Some children, and some adults too, have a really hard time being present for a euthanasia, and that is completely okay. Everyone has a different emotional capacity, and it deserves respect.
For young children who are mobile but still very dependent on a parent, crawling or walking age, I often recommend they not be present. As a parent of both children and pets, I know it's impossible to fully focus on one when you're caring for the other. I want parents to be able to give their full attention to their pet in those last moments, and have it be about that relationship.
For older, more independent children, it's worth considering on an individual basis. What I recommend is a family discussion in advance: talk about what is going to happen, and then give every family member the option to be present, to be in another room, or to be out of the house. Every person processes death and grief differently, and there's no wrong choice.
What I say to kids during the visit.
When children are present, I include them in the conversation about what's going to happen. Most of my explanation is already pretty kid-friendly and easy to understand, but I make sure to let them ask questions and to see what I'm doing, so they know nothing scary is happening.
Sometimes the children help me make the clay pawprint of their pet, or help press the letters together to imprint their pet's name. And often the kids at the visit are in school or sports with my own kids, so they can see that I'm a mom too, and a person there to help their family.
A simple backup plan, just in case.
I've seen children become distraught to the point where it made it hard for a parent to stay present for the euthanasia. If you think that's a possibility for your child, the ideal is to have a backup caregiver there, someone who can comfort the child and take them to a quiet space if needed, so the rest of the family can have the goodbye they want.
Books that help.
Simple things make a big difference: talking about what's going to happen, and acknowledging feelings and grief honestly. There are some wonderful books and videos for children, and these are the ones families have told me helped most. The one I hear the most positive feedback about is Over the Rainbow Bridge.
- Over the Rainbow BridgeMost recommended
- The Invisible Leash
- Jasper's Day
- Good Girl, We've Loved You So
- Being Brave for Bailey
- Staying Strong for Smokey
For a fuller list, this roundup of children's books on pet death and grief is a good resource too.
If you're afraid to even bring it up.
If you're terrified to start this conversation with your child, you're not alone, and the books above are a gentle way in. I'd encourage you to explore them to help broach the subject. The most important thing is to be truthful and honest. Death is a part of life, and children can handle far more than we sometimes give them credit for, especially when we walk through it with them.
"It's important to be truthful and honest with kids. Death is part of life."
Dr. Katie Matzke, DVM